Stepping Out in Faith

Jeremy and I are feeling more and more that adopting Anna is only the beginning of something really big that is going to make all our lives more meaningful.  It's hard to express this.  It's just something we feel.

As I sit here and think about it, I am reminded of the conflicting thoughts I had after I took the plunge and decided to serve a mission for our church when I was 21.  I was assigned to serve in South Carolina and would report to the Missionary Training Center in August. That summer, Jeremy and I spent every moment possible with each other.  Our friendship of a year and a half had grown into love.

One side of me was saying this: "Wow, this is so, so risky.   You really feel like Jeremy is the one.  Neither one of you are ready for marriage right now, but...what if he finds someone else while you're away?  You would be devistated. Eighteen months is a long time.  And oh, man it hurts so much to think about how much you will miss him. Then there's school. You're going to have to put your bachelor's degree on hold and maybe not finish your Master's because of it. Not only that, but really, are there people in South Carolina who will actually listen to some 21 year old girl talk about the gospel?  I mean, this is the Bible Belt we're talking about!  Most of these people already know about Christ and believe they know everything there is to know.  Will anyone be open to hearing more?"

But then, there was the other side that somehow just knew deep inside my gut this was about something bigger:  "God is in control.  He has lead you to this.  You may not understand why, or HOW your plans are going to work out, but HE does.  Do this thing that you truly feel that Heavenly Father has prepared you your whole life to do, and He will take care of the details. Trust Him, Heather.  Just trust Him."

So I went and my mission was amazing.  I learned more in those 18 months of trials and hard work than I had ever learned in my 22 years on this earth.  The Lord had prepared people for me to find and teach.  The message of the restored gospel changed them forever.  I returned home to my honey, married him 4 months later, finished my bachelors in Communicative Disorders. My dream of becoming a Speech Therapist didn't happen because we knew my calling as a mama needed to take the front seat. But it will happen some day if it's meant to.

Here we are 15 years and almost six (did I just say SIX?) kids later, embarking on something scary and new.  The conflicting thoughts are much the same. 

One side of me continues to list all of the concerns that something of this magnitude brings. "What if this, what if that? What will happen if..." I don't even have to list them here. I'm sure anyone reading this knows what some of those concerns are. You have thought of them yourself, right?

But then there's that other side that senses the whole picture. "God is in control.  He has lead you to this point.  He has chosen and prepared you to be the mother of each one of your children (who, BTW are really not yours, but His...) and Anna is likely one of them. He will continue to equip you with what you need.  Do this thing that you truly feel that your Heavenly Father has prepared you your whole life (and before) to do and He will take care of the details.  Trust Him, Heather.  Just trust Him."

Is everything with the adoption going to go smoothly, and will we for sure bring her home?  We don't know.  We are learning more and more that this is completely out of our hands at this point.

How hard will it be?  We don't know this either.

What we DO know:  We love her, we want her and Heavenly Father wants us to adopt.  Not in a few years when Eli is older or when I am too old to have babies or when we have more money, but right now.   

The rest of the answers will come in time.