Feelings.

It's funny, but I've noticed that, as we are facing the reality that this is really happening, I'm feeling all the same emotions that I felt right before delivering each of my five babies:

Excitement about how happy she is going to make us

fear for the unknown

greater love for my amazing husband and kids

guilt that I won't have the time I have now to spend with each of my children.
but total amazement for all that I've been given and how much I've been strengthened. 


Then, there are additional emotions that are specific to the adoption:

Sadness that I have to be away from my family for a long time and miss important events like a birthday and play performances


exhilaration about giving Anya a loving family and the fact that there is now one less orphan in the world

even greater exhilaration that we get to have her...all to ourselves!

anxiety about traveling across the ocean again to a post-communist country where I don't know the language, but this time without my protective husband along for the first two weeks

worry about how scary this may be for Anya, taking her away from everything she has ever known

hope that she will be tolerant of her brothers who are younger, especially little Eli and the fact that she has to share our attention with him

wonder at the miracles that have happened in the past year of our lives

peace and assurance that we'll be protected, watched over and guided every step of the way

and most of all

gratitude

for our family

for Anya's grandparents and our friends who are sacrificing of their comfort and time to help take care of our children while we're away

for ALL the people who have given of themselves financially to help with the expenses of this adoption

for a little girl who will make our world amazing

and more than any of that

gratitude for my Savior, Jesus Christ who has been constant, steady and true to us every step of the way. He has never let us down and I know He never will.